Filed under: Misunderstandings, Marsupials, and Mild Pandemonium

You know how Florida is famous for hurricanes, alligators, and that one guy who wrestled an iguana at a car wash? Well, add statewide emergency alert caused by an armadillo to the list.

This week on It Happens in Florida, the cast and crew were peacefully filming a “very serious” reenactment of Oscar’s childhood trauma (involving a churro and a pelican, long story), when Oscar suddenly screamed mid-take:

“Naked Uncle is missing!”

Chaos. Pure chaos.

Cameras dropped. Boom mics hit the ground. Someone screamed, “CALL THE GOVERNOR!” (We’re still unsure who.) Within 20 minutes, Oscar had filed a Missing Persons Report, local news was alerted, and—because someone at the emergency management office thought “Naked Uncle” was code for a national security threat—the Florida Emergency Alert System was triggered.

Phones buzzed from Tallahassee to the Keys with a message:

⚠️ EMERGENCY ALERT: Elderly man known as “Naked Uncle” missing. Last seen near a hole. Possibly shirtless. Approach with caution. ⚠️

In reality, “Naked Uncle” is Oscar’s beloved pet armadillo, who has no fur (hence the name) and a strong preference for backyard holes over fame or dignity.

He was found two hours later, content and half-buried in Oscar’s backyard, gnawing on a Capri Sun straw.

The statewide manhunt ended with a news conference, where Oscar clarified through tears:

“He’s not a man. He’s just… so vulnerable without his shell liner.”

To be clear, no charges were filed. But we were gently asked by the state to never, ever refer to an animal as a family member in a 911 call again.

Lessons learned:

• Be clear about species when reporting a missing loved one.
• Don’t name your pet something that belongs on a government watchlist.
• Never underestimate Florida’s ability to take a small misunderstanding and turn it into national news.

Coming up next week: The cast attempts to install a security system to prevent future armadillo incidents… and accidentally triggers a lockdown at the local elementary school.

Stay weird, Florida.

Tune in to It Happens in Florida, where every episode is a public service warning (in some states).