If you thought fireworks, friendship, and Florida couldn’t get weirder—you must be new here. Welcome to It Happens in Florida, where every holiday is an explosive blend of chaos and questionable decision-making.

This Fourth of July, our beloved disaster duo Oscar and Raymond decided to “get back to nature” by heading deep into the Everglades for what Raymond called a “quiet, reflective weekend off the grid.” Oscar interpreted that as: “Bring 12 cases of illegal fireworks, a bucket of hot dogs, and a Bluetooth speaker blasting Creedence Clearwater Revival.”

Here’s how it all went down (besides Oscar’s folding chair, which collapsed immediately upon arrival):

Act I: The Setup

Raymond, ever the voice of reason, had packed sunscreen, bug spray, and a fully laminated map of the swamp. Oscar brought a bottle rocket named “Gator Zapper 5000” and a T-shirt that said, ‘Fireworks Don’t Burn, People Do.’

They pitched a tent (wrongly) and accidentally camped on what they would later discover was an active alligator nesting ground. Things were already tense after Oscar tried to roast marshmallows over citronella candles and Raymond discovered his portable toilet was just a paint bucket with glitter on it.

Act II: The Explosion

The fireworks show began at exactly 8:17 PM when Oscar tripped over a tree root and landed on a Roman candle. (He’s fine. His eyebrows are…recovering.)

In what Oscar later described as “an impromptu salute to freedom,” several rockets launched directly into the sky, narrowly missing a low-flying mosquito plane and setting off a chain reaction of panic, patriotism, and smoke. An airboat full of confused tourists mistook it for a local military exercise.

Raymond tried to de-escalate by waving a sparkler and yelling, “We’re part of a TV show!” but the gators were unimpressed.

Act III: The Escape

By midnight, they’d managed to put out the small brush fire (with a cooler full of Busch Light) and Raymond was arguing with Oscar about whether or not it was legal to ride an airboat without a shirt or a license.

The episode ends with them hitching a ride out of the swamp with a guy named “Shrimp Dan” who lives in a floating RV and believes the U.S. government is run by raccoons.

Classic Florida.